


Students Out of Bed

by SassyStarboard



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: BAMF Minerva McGonagall, F/M, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Pre-James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:54:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22328911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassyStarboard/pseuds/SassyStarboard
Summary: “I can’t believe it.” Sirius grumbled. “We went to all this trouble of getting around the rules and doing the enchantments and we can’t even get past the stairs.”................Students out of bed? No. Students in the corridors? Yes. You can’t be punished for being out of bed if you take your bed with you, now can you?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 119





	Students Out of Bed

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of a tumblr prompt/headcanon where the Marauders levitate their beds as a loophole for the “no students out of bed rule”. Credit to @marauders4evr (I think) and their tumblr post for giving me inspiration. I’ve been working on this for a while now. I'm worried I might've made Remus a bit too snarky, but I don't have a lot of experience with the Marauders, so let me know what you think! Enjoy!!!

Remus stared at the empty space in front of him, concentrating. He leaned over his bed frame, trying to get a better view of the third floor hallway that lay below them.

“Well?” James asked. He, Peter, and Sirius were waiting anxiously for Remus’ plan, all three standing on their beds to try and get a look. Remus sighed, scratching the back of his head.

“James, I really don’t see how we can get to the kitchen without going down the stairs.” He said, resigned. The others flopped down on their beds, dramatically disappointed. The beds bobbed and drifted as the boys collapsed onto their mattresses, a side effect of the levitation charms cast on the bed frames. Oh, those charms had taken weeks of work and modifications, too. 

First had been the problem of levitating the bed as a whole rather than separately. If _everything_ was levitating, pillows and blankets would be flying around their heads as they tried to steer—something Sirius had found out the hard way when he’d crashed into their walls trying to fight off an enthusiastic comforter. Then it was realizing that if only the bed frame was charmed, the mattress and the bedspread could be pushed up with it. That is, if the frame was strong enough to support the extra weight. After that, Remus had applied the safety and steering charms, Peter had done the silencing charms to help them get down the stairs, James had expanded the portrait hole, and Sirius...well...

“I can’t believe it.” Sirius grumbled. “We went to all this trouble of getting around the rules and doing the enchantments and we can’t even get past the stairs.”

“What did _you_ do?” James said derisively. “ _Moony_ modified the levitating charm so it would work without breaking the bed, _I_ transfigured the doorway and the portrait hole so we could float them out of Gryffindor tower, _Wormy’s_ staying at the back to lookout for Mrs.Norris and-“

“And I came up with the idea!” Sirius finished proudly. “Teamwork!” James gave Sirius a withering look and he pouted. “I wanted to help. It’s not my fault I’ve been in detention all week.”

“Not your fault? I suppose it was Avery who shot fireworks over the Black Lake then.” Remus sniffed. Sirius grinned. Peter laughed.

“That was you? Evans thought it was Rosier!” He exclaimed. “She hit him with a Knee-Reversal hex and he had to crawl back to the castle bent over like a Fire Crab!”

“You’ve seen the wrath of an Evans scorned. I didn’t want her to come after _me_ for ruining her work.” Sirius defended. “How was I meant to know the giant squid doesn’t like explosions?”

“Common sense?” Remus suggested lightly, grinning. Sirius snorted.

“Yeah, funny. You’d think the massive cloud of ink it shot all over everyone on the south lawn would’ve given it away.” James said dryly.

“That was hilarious and you know it.”

“It would’ve been funnier if you hadn’t destroyed Lily’s Charms notes.” James whined. “It ruined her afternoon and she had to start all over.”

“She also hexed off my eyebrows for it when MacDonald ratted me out.” Sirius pointed out. “And technically, the giant squid ruined them, so Evans butchered the beauty of an innocent man for nothing.”

“Beauty? You looked like an egg with a wig.” Peter snickered.

“I most certainly did not.” Sirius scoffed, indignant. “Moony, come to my defense, tell them how gorgeous I looked.”

“You look gorgeous _now_.” Remus offered. Sirius pouted. Remus chuckled.

“I did not look like a bloody egg.” He grumbled.

“You really did.” James snorted. “Thank Merlin for that potion Dad sent you. Those were the worst three days of my life.” 

“ _Your_ life?”

“Yes, _my_ life. I spent the whole weekend sleeping two meters away from a goblin with hair extensions.”

“ _You_ ?” Remus cringed. “Imagine how _I_ felt. It was terrifying.”

“Insult my glorious mane again and just see what happens to yours.” Sirius threatened James, tossing his hair over his shoulder. “Of course, you already look like you’ve got a Bow-Truckle nest on your head so I expect whatever I do won’t make much of a difference.”

James scowled at him and ran a hand through his hair. Sirius snorted.

“You lot are utterly ridiculous.” Remus muttered.

“Says the man sitting on a floating bed.” Sirius countered. James rolled his eyes. 

“We’re all on floating beds, you twit.” He said. “That’s the whole point. You heard McGonagall— _all students found out of bed after curfew shall be punished accordingly_ —well we’re not out of bed, are we? So if he’s being ridiculous, you’re being _double_ ridiculous.”

“That whole _speech_ was ridiculous.” Sirius shot back. 

“Whatever it was, it doesn’t matter if there’s no stairs.” Peter whined, once again glancing down miserably at the third floor hallway that lay far below their ledge.

“And _why_ are there no stairs, you ask?” Sirius asked, dramatically whirling his gaze towards James. His bed bounced slightly from the force of his head turning and drifted a bit to the side. 

“Me?” James exclaimed. “Why is it my fault?” He leaned towards Sirius, his bed tilting forward as he tried to steer it closer.

“ _I_ know why.” Peter snorted.

“They move overnight. Normally it wouldn’t be anyone’s fault.” Remus threw in, still thinking. 

“Thank you!” 

“ _But_ , if I recall,” Remus went on, turning to look at James, “during the downfall of our last attempt, Professor McGonagall threatened to charm the stairs to be inaccessible after curfew so _Prongs_ over there tried to convince her we were only out because I’m suffering from a debilitating disease that requires emergency kitchen excursions.”

“I’m not _wrong_!” James protested.

“You were wrong because you told her the disease was called _Bulgarian chocolate plague_.” Peter snickered.

“He might as well have that! You’ve seen him with chocolate frogs! They can’t get away fast enough!” James exclaimed. “And anyway, remember what Pete said? It doesn’t matter what excuse we use if we can’t get down the stairs. The charm was only meant to keep us a few meters in the air. If we ride them off the platform, we’ll crash.”

James, unfortunately, had made a very sound point. McGonagall’s threat hadn’t been empty. Instead of the cavernous stairwells that had been there four hours ago, there were now simply floating platforms; landings without staircases. The stairs themselves—much to the chagrin of the now sleeping portraits—were completely vertical and flattened against the walls, floating impressively and hovering just inches away from the portraits. In other words, the stairs were utterly unusable. Attempting to sail to the next platform would result in an unmitigated disaster.

“Oh, but what a glorious way to go.” Sirius said wistfully.

“The three of _us_ might survive.” Remus pointed out. _“You_ would die a horrible, embarrassing death in your _Star Wars_ pyjamas.”

“First of all—” Sirius started, indignantly puffing out his chest and tightening the ties on his _Millennium Falcon_ patterned robe, “— _Star Wars_ is the best...funny-moovly-thingy that muggles have ever invented and I had to special order these. Second—”

“You haven’t seen _Monty Python_.” Peter interjected. “That one’s the best.” Sirius made a face.

“I don’t want to see a moovly about snakes. Snakes don’t have lightsabers.” He countered. “And _second_ , Moony’s safety charms were going to take all the fun out of it! I’ve stayed on just as well as you lot have and I know for a fact it’s because of my excellent balance. I’m dreadfully sorry you three don’t believe in your own skills, but there’s just no glory in—”

James rammed his bed into Sirius’ and Sirius—who had been standing in the middle of his bed—yelped and lurched forwards, nearly sliding off the mattress. He clung desperately to one of his bed posters as his bed slanted sharply towards the floor, curling his body around it and struggling to pull himself back to safety. The other three laughed at him as he scrambled back up. Sirius scowled and dusted himself off. 

“I stand by my choice.” He said haughtily.

“You’re not standing anymore.” James snorted.

“At least I won’t have to take all those charms back off when we get back to the common room.” Sirius told him. “They might save you from falling down the stairs, but you won’t be able to get out of bed either.”

“I can’t fall down what’s not bloody there!”

“We don’t have to.” Remus said suddenly.

“What?”

“We don’t have to use the stairs.” He clarified. “We just have to modify the levitation charm so we have enough height to get over to the next landing. After the landing after that, it’s only a few meters to the 3rd floor hall. But it would take forever to calculate the charm exactly and we can’t risk falling all the way down. We’ll have to come back tomorrow.”

His friends groaned. Sirius gave another groan to further emphasize his dismay.

“Where’s your sense of adventure, Moony?” He complained.

“Probably off somewhere with your common sense.” Remus replied. James snorted.

“He can’t lose what he never had.” He teased. The four of them turned around and started to float back towards Gryffindor Tower.

“Good to know you’ll never lose that sense of humor, then.” Sirius shot back, drifting to the side and bumping James’ bed. James jolted and drifted. He steadied himself, then turned and pouted at Sirius, who laughed. James pulled up next to Sirius, repeatedly knocking into Sirius’ bed frame with his own.

“Stop it.” Sirius told him.

“I’m not touching _you_.” James said petulantly. “Don’t be a baby.”

“I’m not being a baby. Stop hitting me.” Sirius said, sliding into James. James scowled as he floated away.

“No I’m not. If anything, I’m _tapping_ you.” James protested, drifting back. “Quit whining.”

Under the guise of retying his robe, Sirius allowed himself to fall behind, then positioned his bed behind James’ bed and surged forward. James drifted forwards and knocked into Remus, who was in front of them. Remus turned and gave him a pointed look. 

“ _Be quiet._ ” Remus warned. They were nearing Gryffindor Tower and it absolutely wouldn’t do to wake up any fellow students. Not when their plans had been postponed.

In retaliation, James pulled his bed up short and let Sirius run into him. Sirius jolted forward, nearly falling off his bed. Privately, he was starting to regret not using the safety charms but he certainly wasn’t going to make that known to the others. Sirius scowled and threw his pillow at James, who caught it and chucked it back at him. Sirius put it back on his bed, pouting. James gave a pleased hum, smug. Sirius’ sour expression faded into a smirk. He floated along, slowly pulling up beside James. Then, grinning smugly, Sirius purposely shifted to the side and forcefully rammed into James. 

James launched backwards and went crashing into Peter. Both boys spun out and smashed into the wall. Sirius’ eyes went wide as the destructive sound filled the hallway, echoing loudly down the corridor. Remus stared at the others in horror. All of them looked at each other with panic.

“...what are the odds that someone heard that?” Peter asked nervously. 

“Go!” James directed. All four of them quickly leaned forwards to steer the beds and zoomed down the hall, back towards Gryffindor Tower. It was all going quite well until they had to turn the corner.

Because Remus, knowing that they had to take the turn slower or risk crashing, immediately pulled his bed to a slow. Remus, however, being the one who had cast and modified the levitation charms and therefore the one with the most control over his bed, was at the front of the group. As soon as he stopped moving, the other three crashed into him.

The beds whirled out of control, racketing into each other and knocking together with a series of bangs and cracks. 

James, Remus, and Peter were lurched forward then snapped back, secured by their safety charms. Sirius, however, was catapulted from his mattress and just barely managed to grab onto his bed frame. The bed spun and dipped with the imbalance of his weight, his feet less than a meter from the floor as he struggled to pull himself back up. 

“It’s...not...funny!” Sirius wheezed. His friends were horribly unconcerned and had collapsed into laughter. Sirius wrapped his arms around the frame at the foot of the bed, struggling to get back up. His feet kept getting caught in his robe when he tried to kick up, making him flail back down. Sirius held on with one arm while he tried to push his robe behind him.

“Almost—come on—-just—get the—bloody—”

“ _What_ is the meaning of this?”

Sirius froze. He leaned to the side, letting himself spin around to face his audience.

“Hello Minnie.” Sirius said breathlessly, flipping his long hair out of his eyes and smoothing down the front of his _Star Wars_ pajamas with his free hand. Professor McGonagall was _not_ amused.

“Explain yourselves!” She demanded. “I have warned you repeatedly—countlessly—against these sort of shenanigans! Yet you continue on your nightly quests to _wake the entire castle_!”

Considering the large crowd of Gryffindor students who were now filing out of the portrait hole, McGonagall had made a very sound point. From his uncomfortable vantage point, Sirius just managed to catch Evans’ furious expression and wild, fiery hair before he slowly spun around again. Peter gave a small wave to Frank Longbottom and Alice Fortescue. James fluttered his eyelashes at where Lily stood next to Mary Macdonald. Remus, on the other hand, had his head hung in a cringing sort of anticipation and wouldn’t look at anything except his pillows.

“But Professor—” James started, his eyes glittering impishly.

“Mr.Potter, I am to believe Mr.Lupin is suffering from another terrible case of Transylvanian Chocolate Plague?” She asked sternly. Remus gave an awkward shrug. James grinned sheepishly.

“Bulgarian.” Peter said quietly. McGonagall raised an eyebrow. “But yours is better!” He said quickly.

“Smooth, Pete.” Sirius muttered.

“Quiet!” McGonagall said harshly. Remus and Sirius flinched. “This is extremely inappropriate and I have warned you countless times that all students must all stay in bed after curfew or—“

“But we are!” Sirius protested. Immediately, he froze. They were already in for it and he had just interrupted McGonagall in the middle of her tirade. The other three were staring at him. McGonagall looked quite taken aback.

“I _beg_ your pardon?” She said coldly. Sirius held his breath. McGonagall seemed to be doing the same—her face was slowly becoming another color. She stared at him expectantly, making it clear that nothing else would be said until he spoke.

“We’re still in bed?” Sirius said weakly. He shrank, bracing himself.

“Still in bed?” McGonagall repeated.

“You said no students out of bed and we’re not out of bed, so we’re not breaking curfew, are we?” Sirius reasoned, gaining confidence while slowly losing feeling in his arm.

“Well...alright then.” McGonagall said primly. The Marauders stared at her in shock. _Surely not._

“We...we’re not in trouble?” Peter asked in a small voice.

“Of course not. _You’re_ not out of bed. The three of you may go.”

“Professor, I’m so—wait, the three of us?” Remus frowned. “What do you mean three?”

“Did we lose Peter?” Sirius asked, panicked. He flipped his hair out of his eyes again and leaned to spin back around, looking for Peter. Peter threw his pillow at Sirius, missing him entirely. Sirius didn’t notice, having returned to his struggle to right himself and get back onto his mattress. McGonagall had a mischievous glint in her eyes. 

“Of course not. Be that as it may, Mr.Lupin, Mr.Potter, and Mr.Pettigrew have all managed to stay in their beds, Mr.Black. You, however, are currently out of bed and therefore breaking curfew.”

Sirius’ mouth fell open.

“But...I was...but it was my idea!” He managed. 

The one time she accepted their loophole— _Sirius’_ loophole—and he was the only one not to benefit from it. It was an outrage, a scandal. Not to mention the infuriating surge of relief he was sure the others were feeling. It was an absolute injustice, and she looked to be far too smug than a teacher should ever be.

“Well, if you’d prefer I take that into account, perhaps I’ll give you three weeks detention instead of two.” Professor McGonagall suggested airily. Sirius’ eyes narrowed. Clearly part of her was enjoying this. If not all of her. 

“.....Well done, Minnie.” Sirius conceded. 

He reached out to shake her hand. McGonagall flicked her wand and their beds disappeared, dropping Sirius and the others to the carpet. The audience of Gryffindors erupted into laughter as the Marauders scrambled to their feet.

“Your beds have been returned to your dorm room and I expect them to remain there, do you understand?” McGonagall said sternly. They nodded.

“Yes, Professor.”

McGonagall nodded curtly, then made her exit, likely returning to her quarters. Now that the excitement had passed, the remaining students collectively began to head back into their tower. Peter waved over Frank and Alice. James waved hopefully at Lily, who scoffed and linked arms with MacDonald, ignoring him as they stepped into the portrait hole ahead. James sank. Remus clapped him on the back for support. Sirius was pouting.

“This is a bloody outrage.” He grumbled. “I go through all that trouble and _I’m_ the one who has to suffer while you lot get off scot-free. It’s unbelievable.”

“ _I_ can’t believe your arms haven’t fallen off.” Remus commented. “You were hanging off of that frame for a good ten minutes.”

“Better than that time he almost fell out the window of the Owlery.” Peter commented. They stepped into the common room as Frank waved goodbye to Alice. How poor, unfortunate Frank had survived five years with the Marauders as dorm mates was beyond them, but they appreciated his friendship all the same. It wasn’t his fault the dorms were five to a room. Even if he’d much rather be studying with Alice than pulling pranks, Frank was genuinely nice and—despite everything they’d done in their dorms—hadn’t reported them once, thank Merlin.

“Or that time you got all of us a months detention trying to make your own Exploding Bon-Bons.” James snorted.

“Those were a present for Moony.” Sirius sulked. “I couldn’t animate the chocolate frogs to jump the right way.” Remus smiled.

“Had any of your experiments survived, I’m sure they would have been lovely.” He promised. Sirius grinned.

“Hopefully your next one doesn’t set fire to my curtains.” Peter said wistfully.

“Why is it always you?” Frank asked, shaking with laughter as he caught up next to them.

“Because we’re the best.” James crowed.

“Because he’s an idiot.” Remus suggested. Sirius fluttered his eyelashes at him.

“I’m your idiot.”

“Don’t remind me.” Remus grinned at him, teasing. Sirius laughed.

"Just wait until my next big idea. You lot are gonna be blown _out of the water_."

"I hope that's not a reference to the Giant Squid." Remus warned. Sirius didn't answer.

"Sirius?" Remus repeated. Sirius looked at him with wide, innocent eyes.

"...yes, dear?"

“No.”

“I never get to have any fun.”


End file.
